This blog got too cool for school and moved. I’ll miss you, Tumblr!
I gotta be honest with you, Good Things were sparse this week…
So, the Grammy Awards. It’s my favorite night of the year. I thought it was fantastic this year. Every performance had at least 3 artists involved, and that allowed for more performance time. It also allowed some amazing compilations. John Mayer, Norah Jones & Keith Urban did an amazing rendition of “Jolene,” and Rihanna, Eminem and Dr. Dre were outstanding together.
Toward the end of the night, they named Esperanza Spalding as Best New Artist. I was thrilled. I’ve been a fan ever since my (super cool and hip) Dad told me to check her out a few months ago. She’s incredible! And she is the first jazz musician to win the Grammy for Best New Artist.
Unfortunately, Justin Bieber fans - “Beliebers,” as they’ve dubbed themselves - were NOT pleased with this, seeing as Justin Bieber was also nominated for Best New Artist. After Esperanza was announced as the winner, Bieber fans took to her Wikipedia page and completely defaced it. It has since been fixed, but the damage is done. They changed her middle name to “Quesadilla” and wrote things like “GO DIE IN A HOLE WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY?”
So this week’s Bad Things are the hormone-ridden thirteen year old girls (I’m making crazy assumptions here) who totally and completely insulted 1) Esperanza Spalding, 2) Justin Bieber and 3) Music in general. First of all - not everyone likes Bieber as much as you all do. I get it! His songs are catchy and he’s adorable, and if I were a tween, I would probably have him plastered all over my walls, too.
And even at 24 years old, I can’t deny his talent. He has a great voice, and he plays guitar and drums and he’s a good dancer and blah blah blah. Artists like these - they come around every few years. It’s not as if he is the first person to woo young female audiences and sell out big arenas. Esperanza Spalding however - she has a NEW sound. She’s young and fresh, but she can play the bass (and many other instruments) as if she’s been playing them for 50 years. She deserved to win.
They were on her Wikipedia page in the first place because they had NO idea who she was. I highly doubt they bothered to listen to any of her music. Also, why deface HER page? She didn’t actually do anything besides create beautiful music. The National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences are the people who vote on the winners. And “Quesadilla?” I swear to God, if I ever catch my future son or daughter using the internet as a tool to sling racist and hurtful remarks, they are never using the computer again. Take note, twinkle in my eye.
By the way, Bieber went up to Spalding and congratulated her after her win. Tweens: follow the example your obsession (who you’ll be over in 3 years anyway) is setting and be a class-act. Trust me - it’ll feel better in the long run.
Good Things is going to be a tad musical this week. You’ll like it, I promise.
When people ask “Is that what you’re wearing?” Yes, silly! There are clothes on my body, so technically, I am “wearing” them. What? You’re asking because you’re trying to passive-aggressively tell me you don’t like my outfit? Ohhhh, I see what you did there. Well, you’re off the hook! You don’t have to like my clothes because you are not wearing them.
Mean drunks. Here’s the thing - if you get rude after a few brewskis - that is what we in the flag business like to call a “red” flag, and you should consider slowing down your drinking a touch. If, when intoxicated, you start saying terrible things, or throwing objects around the room…for starters, you look crazy. And if you do this on the reg, eventually no one is going to want to be around you. Alcohol is not an excuse for anything. Make sure you’re always looking at the big picture.
Ed Hardy. I need to elaborate? Okay. Why would you pay that much money for a t-shirt? You know you can go buy one ANYWHERE else for about a tenth of that price? Also, Ed Hardy clothing looks like the Hell’s Angels and a college student enrolled in Drawing 101 got together after a night of drinking and threw up all over various trucker hats and zip-up hoodies.
I got a LOT of angry text messages about skipping Bad Things this week. At least two. So this week I’m going to smoosh them together.
Meet Thomas Marino.
He is a middle school Social Studies teacher. He likes maps and puzzles, and he eats whole family-size bags of potato chips as a snack. He is unbelievably smart. He is fiercely protective when he needs to be, and he is really good at making you feel better when you’re sad. A little while ago, he asked me to marry him and I said OKAYYY!!! He has the kindest heart, and he doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body. Unless the Bruins lose, and in that case you can count on something being thrown into the wall: a fist, a remote, whatever is accessible. He can tell you anything you would want to know about any country in the world, and if I need to keep him occupied I just hand him an atlas, and he can sit on the couch and look through it for a good five hours. He likes fixing things around the house, and is always doing things to make my life easier. His cell phone looks just like the one I had when I was 16, and it shuts off when you hit the “4” key. He doesn’t care. He isn’t all that into technology - he’s old school. He prefers fold-up maps to a GPS and thinks I’m silly with my iPhone obsession. And somehow when something in the house is having technical difficulties, he can fix it immediately. I love his brain. I love the way he solves problems and thinks about things differently than I do. He is funny when he doesn’t mean to be funny. He walks around the house singing (terribly) made-up lyrics to songs. My personal favorite was his rendition of Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” - “Why don’t you put some pants on me Maybe skin tight jeans We can make love in my jeep.” He still gets misty-eyed when you bring up the Whalers. He refuses to eat the last bite of ANY sandwich because he thinks there are germs on it. He gives me room to make my own decisions, but he always has my best interest at heart, and stands up to me if need be. And most of the time - need be. One time I wanted to get a tattoo behind my ear and Tom said “If I wanted to marry someone with a tattoo on their head, I would have proposed to Mike Tyson.” I’ve never felt more comfortable with anyone in my life. I’ve never had to question his commitment to me. If I handed him a piece of pizza, he wouldn’t say, “Are you kidding me? You’re giving me a piece of pizza? Not a protein shake, but a piece of pizza?” Much like Ron did to Sammi last night on the Jersey Shore. He tells me he loves me every ten minutes. He is thoughtful. He is wise beyond his years. He is a fantastic teacher (ask his students!) and a great friend. His work ethic is unmatched. He is respectful, honest and polite. I can’t wait to marry him. I also can’t wait to have babies with him, because they’re going to be SO AWESOME.
So this week’s Good Thing is your soulmate. If you’ve found them already, you’re lucky. If you haven’t found them yet - don’t worry, they’re coming.
People who are consistently late. I am rarely (never) late. I take great measures to make sure that I am rarely (never) late. Why? Because it’s rude. It’s rude to tell someone to be somewhere at a specific time and show up thirty minutes after that time. It makes it about 1,000x more rude when you don’t call, and about 10,000x more rude when you finally do show up and show no sign of remorse or awareness that I’ve been standing around twiddling my thumbs waiting for your pretentious ass. What makes you think your time is more valuable than mine? It’s not. It’s not like you were finishing up your application to adopt a starving Ethiopian child. You weren’t finding a cure for cancer. You were probably watching True Life on MTV2, even though that episode has aired 28 times and you’ve seen it thrice (you’re welcome, Conan). I understand things happen. Your day doesn’t go as planned and sometimes - yeah, you find yourself running ten minutes or so behind. But if you are the friend that everyone tells to show up at 8:00 when they want you to show up at 9:00 - you need to get yourself together and stop sucking.
Almost dying. I have lived in New England my entire life. This winter is the first year I have felt somewhat confident about driving in the snow. This morning we got about two inches of snow, but I decided to risk my life and go to the grocery store anyway. On my way home, I was turning right into my driveway. When I tried to straighten out, my back wheels kept going and the rear end of the car went careening to the left. It skidded for awhile and came to a stop, about 3 feet from the edge of the road that has a huge drop off into a frozen river. So yeah, I almost died. The drop off is only about two feet. And it’s more like a trickling stream, not a frozen river. And there’s like a huge 5 foot snow bank creating a wall in front of the drop off. But still.
Oh my goodness, isn’t this snow crazy?! Can you BELIEVE all this snow??? Whoa, I didn’t sign up for all this snow! It’s snowing.
Crock Pot Chili. I have tried many many many different chili recipes but THIS one takes the cake. My only revision is that I only put one can of kidney beans in, because I’m 6 years old and I don’t LIKE beans (floor stomp). I don’t put them in the blender either…I just dump ‘em in there. Mix all the seasonings together the night before and keep them in a tupperware, and wake up a little earlier than usual so you have time to brown the meat. Shove it all in the crock pot, set it for low, and go to work. Come home 8 hours later. Your house will smell slammin’ and you don’t have to do anything for dinner. Oh, and so my Mom doesn’t call me to say “Molly, you talked about this recipe on your blog but then you never actually told us the recipe!” if you click on ‘Crock Pot Chili’ at the beginning of this paragraph, you will be taken to the recipe, just like magic.
Last.fm. This is one of my favorite websites. It saves and tracks all the music you listen to on your iPod (every time you sync, it “scrobbles” the songs) or computer, and gives you recommendations based on your musical tastes. It’s how I found Florence + The Machine, Christina Perri, and Bon Iver. You can also be friends with other users, see what they’re listening to, and listen to their music library for free.
Notes, Quotes & Anecdotes of a Year Fast Passing: Meet my friend Elizabeth. She is nice. She also has a Tumblr, and she posts delightful recipes (with helpful pictures) that are low-fat and delicious. Follow her blog and allow it to ignite your taste buds.
People who have more than 200 profile pictures. The thing is, no one is looking at your facebook page as much as you are. Or as much as you think other people are. Slow down a little bit. A profile picture has the shelf life of more than a few months. You don’t need to change it four times a week. We understand what you look like. It’s not that we don’t like looking at you, we just don’t like looking at you this much. Plus, there’s GOT to be a better way to spend your time than taking hundreds of pictures of yourself every day. Read a book or turn on CNN. It will blow your mind.
Commercials with alarm clock sounds in them. HOW IS THIS EVEN A THING? WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA? I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER buy or use your product if you use an alarm clock sound to get my attention. Even if you’re selling alarm clocks. That is LITERALLY the worst sound in the world. WORST. That sound means stop running around in a meadow filled with butterflies, that text message you just got from Taylor Swift asking you to be her back-up singer wasn’t real…it was a dream, and you need to get out of your very warm, very comfortable bed, and then you need to go outside and remove heaping piles of snow from your car. One time I heard a commercial with an alarm clock sound on the radio, in the car, on my way to work. I almost started to cry. It ruined my entire day, and almost my entire life.